New Beginnings

New Beginnings by Amy Brown

This print is called "New Beginnings" by my favorite fairy artist Amy Brown. I had posted it on my Facebook wall shortly after my loss (April 27, 2017). My friend saw it and knew it would make a great birthday gift for me. I was so surprised she thought of getting this for me. She gave it to me when we hung out on together on Mother's Day (May 14, 2017) so it was extra special. It meant a lot to me. She's been a huge support for me when I ever need it. She put in a beautiful silver frame so I can look at it when I need the extra strength to get me through the day.

June 21, 2017

Today is our first wedding anniversary.

I'm thankful to have such a loving and supportive husband. He's always there to support me when I'm having an emotional day or just need to vent. If he's not physically with me he's calling or texting me words of support and love. He's helping me as much as he can through this process of healing physically and mentally.

Just like a fairy tale we have each other and therefore we have our happily ever after. Plus I know we'll get our rainbow baby one day.

May 14, 2017 - Mother's Day

My first Mother Day was supposed to be a great day. Instead I didn't know if I was a Mother. Until I read this:

This poem really helped me. I am a Mom this Mother's Day. I loved my little one its whole life. That's what makes me a Mom.

I had a rough start to my day. I was upset and emotional. Trying hard not focus on the day itself. I was going to spend the day with a dear friend who lost her Mom to cancer in January. It was a rough day for both of us.

Once I got to my friends house I wanted to fill her in since I haven't seen her since the miscarriage. I cried and told her everything. She was very supportive. She's a Mom to a beautiful 2 year old so she can imagine the heartache I was going through. Once we left the house it was happy time!

We went for lunch at Joey Restaurant. I got the BBQ Salmon Rice Bowl (sweet sesame soy sauce, snap peas, edamame, mushrooms, daikon). I had a yummy alcoholic drink - the Spa Cosmo Martini - as well. Both were delicious!!! Life gets so busy it's always a delight to see a friend. It was nice to sit down and catch up on other aspects of our lives. 

After lunch we went and saw the movie "Snatched" with Amy Schumer and Goldie Hawn. I didn't know what to expect. I don't watch movie trailers. There are too many spoilers and they always give away the funniest scenes. It was a really funny movie. About what I expected from an Amy Schumer movie! Lots of laughs and a great movie about a mother and daughter relationship to watch on Mother's Day. After the movie Cineplex gave out a flower with a Happy Mother's Day card. It's was wonderful receiving a flower for Mother's Day. I added it to my growing vase of flowers.

Once I got home, I called my Mom to wish her a Happy Mother's Day. It was nice to talk to my mom. I'm definitely grateful for that considering how many people - like my friend - who no longer have their Mother on Mother's Day.

Overall it turned out to be a pretty good First Mother's Day.

The video below was made by TODAY Parents for Bereaved Mother's on Mother's Day.

The next video is from CarlyMarie Project Heal for International Bereavement Mother's Day which is the first Sunday of May (May 7, 2017). It speaks volumes. I urge you to watch it too.

May 9, 2017 - My Birthday

My birthday was going to be the day I announced my happy news to my family and friends. I had already though of ideas of cute cupcakes. Having a mommy cupcake, a daddy cupcake and a 'mini' baby cupcake. I would have been almost 15 weeks at this point (shy of 1 day).

I had a rough night the day before my birthday. I was so very sad and I didn't feel like celebrating my birthday. Many tears were shed. I fell asleep feeling sad, overwhelmed, heartbroken, numb and empty. This was supposed to be my first birthday being pregnant.

I didn't feel any better in the morning. I took my sweet time going into work. When I got there my co-workers wished me happy birthday. I said a "thanks" in a I'm-trying-really-hard-to-be-happy mood. I got to my desk and started checking my e-mails. I started crying again. I had received a few text messages and many Happy Birthday wishes on Facebook. I continued to read these throughout the day to bring some joy into my day.

Once I calmed down I got some work done. I was on the phone with a client for a few minutes. After my phone call I went to go into the printer room and all my co-workers were standing there with balloons and mini-cupcakes. It was a sweet gesture to surprise me and support me. They knew I was having a hard day. The mini-cupcakes were delicious and the balloons were my favorite color.

After work my husband and and I wanted to do something special. Something we haven't done. I booked us a reservation at a fondue place we've been wanting to go to together for a while. I had been there once for my 30th birthday (3 years ago) and haven't had an opportunity to go back since.

We went for 7:00 pm to miss the supper rush and traffic. It was half-priced bottle of wine night since it was a Tuesday. I picked out a delicious bottle of Canadian white wine. We ordered our 4-course meal and the fun began.

The cheese fondue course was first, served with bread, apple and veggies. Then we had caesar salad. We had a bit of time between each course to chat and enjoy each other's company. It had been a while since we had a nice dinner out. For the main course we ordered lobster, shrimp, filet mignon, sausage, and mushrooms which came with veggies. Some meats were seasoned cajun style! We got a variety of dips to use as well. It was fun cooking the meats and veggies. You get 3 skewers to use so you can cook a lot at the same time. The mushrooms stuffed with cream sauce was soooo yummy!

My husband had one glass of wine but the rest was all mine! I did miss having wine. It still felt weird to be drinking again. He had two beers but drank early on so he'd still be safe to drive home.

 
Then the dessert came and it was amazing. They had oreo and graham covered marshmallows, bananas, strawberry, cheesecake and brownies. Dip it all in chocolate! So amazing we had 2 servings of it.

3 hours later we were finally done our dinner and I finished my bottle of wine. Overall I had a pretty great birthday, even though it wasn't the one I had imagined having this year.