Still numb from the day before, but my husband has a minor surgery scheduled today. I had taken the 20 and 21st off work. I was looking forward to having a 4 day weekend. That all changed yesterday. Unfortunately you can't simply pause your life.
I drove my husband to the hospital which was 45 minutes out of town. I stayed with him until he went into his surgery. He told me it's okay if I left if I wasn't feeling up to staying there. I was starting to feel the cramps set in so I told him I would be going home. He was staying overnight at the hospital for observation so I had to go home at some point anyways.
Please note the rest of this story gets very detailed about my miscarriage.
The drive home was calming. I listened to an audio book along the way to
help keep my mind occupied so I didn't break down crying driving down
the highway. The cramps felt like a normal period cramping. Nothing too severe but a dull ache in my belly. It was an uncomfortable drive home, but I didn't want to stop. I just wanted to get home.
I finally got home at noon. As I stepped up out of the car I felt a huge gushing sensation. I could feel blood everywhere. I uncomfortably walked up the stairs and down the hallway to our apartment. I hurried to the bathroom and took off my pants. The pad I was wearing caught some of what came out - but not enough. Thankfully I was wearing black pants.
The next 4 hours would become the longest 4 hours of my life. There was so much blood, intense cramping, lots of clots and tissue coming out. It felt like I was in a murder scene. I couldn't leave the bathroom. I tried using pads but they would fill so fast. It was easier just sitting on the toilet, crying because of the pain and emotions.
My dog Casey (Yorkshire Terrier) would come check in on me but other than her I was alone. I texted my sister, sister-in-law, a friend (who also lost an early term pregnancy), an online friend (who's always there for me) and of course my husband to tell them that I was in the process of having the miscarriage. It helped me feel less alone knowing my family and friends were aware. I also called my midwife and had a brief chat with her.
I started feeling light-headed and I was getting really scared. I was told if you are going through more than 2 pads in an hour you had to go to the hospital. I couldn't tell how much blood was too much. I was crouched down on the floor, experiencing heavy cramps. I looked down and I could see something. I pulled out a 6" piece of tissue from my body. The cramping immediately stopped and the blood flow decreased significantly. I knew the miscarriage was finally over.
I felt exhausted and empty inside. My mother-in-law called me shortly after it ended to check up on me. I told her I was feeling light-headed but that it was over and that I was going to have a shower. She told me to call her afterwards so she knew I made it out okay. It was the saddest shower but it felt good to feel clean and refreshed.
My husband called after he awoke from his surgery. He hated that he wasn't able to be home with me during the miscarriage. Honestly it
was probably better he wasn't. It was such a traumatic experience, at
least he didn't have to experience it as well. He was pretty dozy and in pain so we said our goodbyes so he could rest.
My sister and best friend came over to spend time with me in the evening so I wouldn't be alone. It meant a lot to my husband too knowing that I wasn't alone on such a traumatic day. It was a welcome distraction and it felt comforting to be able to talk face to face about what had happened the past 2 days. We watched the hockey game and ate Thai food. I don't even remember if I had eaten anything before supper time - not that I have felt hungry either.
After my sister and best friend left I went on the computer and was able to talk to an online friend until I was tired enough to try and get some sleep.
