July 17, 2017

Patti the Bereavement Councillor at the Early Loss Clinic I had visited gave me a list of a few support groups in my area to consider if I felt I needed extra support. I went to my first meeting on Monday, July 17, 2017. It was a specific meeting for Miscarriage Losses. I know I am not ready to be around any pregnant ladies yet.

There were many wonderful women there - especially Lori-Ann the founder of the Angel Whispers. We went around and had our introductions. There were two members who had been there before, and two new people - including me. It was so hard hearing everyone's stories. Too many lost wanted babies and so much heart ache. (I won't go into details as their stories aren't mine to tell.)

I was the last person to share. I immediately broke down into tears. The anticipation of it being my turn to share got to be too much, and there were so many emotions in me by that time. After a moment I was able to get through the details of my story. It felt freeing to share my stories with others who knew exactly how I was feeling and being heard about my grief I felt.

The meetings meet once a month and I am already so thankful for them. They do bring out a lot of emotions but I feel that those emotions need to come out. This has been by far the hardest experience I've ever had to go through. I definitely need the support!

It Matters

It's been 12 weeks since we were in that tiny room and told those three words no expecting parents want to hear: There's no heartbeat. I have never cried so many tears, and a part of me will be forever broken.

It's crazy how fast life moves on. I now understand why a miscarriage can be such an isolating and lonely experience. A lot of the support I had from family and friends who knew has dwindled away. There's no pause button on life. Life just carries on, and we're forced to move in a forward motion. The first few weeks my loss seemed to have mattered. Now it just fades into the past.

What people don't seem to understand is that I didn't just lose my pregnancy. My future child died. I lost an entire future for a life I had hopes and dreams for. Would it be a boy or a girl? What name should we choose? Would baby have mommy's eyes or daddy's eyes? So many questions are now left unanswered... So many "What If's"... So many "Why's"...

It helps me tremendously to talk about my pregnancy loss. It did happen and it does matter. I always thought an early pregnancy loss would be easy to handle. I was very wrong. I lost a lifetime with a baby I loved and wanted so much.

Article by Lindsay Bell

 

This article was shared to me by the support group I just started attending. I found it very truthful and I related to it immensely. I've listed the 8 reasons below or click the photo above to read the full article.

1.    It’s not “just a miscarriage.” It’s the loss of a baby.
2.    It’s not “just a miscarriage.” It’s the loss of someone’s dreams for her child.
3.    It’s not “just a miscarriage.” Instead, it’s the source of intense guilt.
4.    It’s not “just a miscarriage.” It’s also a lot of physical pain.
5.    It’s not “just a miscarriage.” It’s also a hormonal roller coaster.
6.    It’s not “just a miscarriage.” It’s also hard on a marriage.
7.    It’s not “just a miscarriage.” It might also be someone’s unanswered prayer.
8.    It’s not “just a miscarriage.” It’s also something that has the potential to hurt over and over again.

New Beginnings

New Beginnings by Amy Brown

This print is called "New Beginnings" by my favorite fairy artist Amy Brown. I had posted it on my Facebook wall shortly after my loss (April 27, 2017). My friend saw it and knew it would make a great birthday gift for me. I was so surprised she thought of getting this for me. She gave it to me when we hung out on together on Mother's Day (May 14, 2017) so it was extra special. It meant a lot to me. She's been a huge support for me when I ever need it. She put in a beautiful silver frame so I can look at it when I need the extra strength to get me through the day.