It Matters

It's been 12 weeks since we were in that tiny room and told those three words no expecting parents want to hear: There's no heartbeat. I have never cried so many tears, and a part of me will be forever broken.

It's crazy how fast life moves on. I now understand why a miscarriage can be such an isolating and lonely experience. A lot of the support I had from family and friends who knew has dwindled away. There's no pause button on life. Life just carries on, and we're forced to move in a forward motion. The first few weeks my loss seemed to have mattered. Now it just fades into the past.

What people don't seem to understand is that I didn't just lose my pregnancy. My future child died. I lost an entire future for a life I had hopes and dreams for. Would it be a boy or a girl? What name should we choose? Would baby have mommy's eyes or daddy's eyes? So many questions are now left unanswered... So many "What If's"... So many "Why's"...

It helps me tremendously to talk about my pregnancy loss. It did happen and it does matter. I always thought an early pregnancy loss would be easy to handle. I was very wrong. I lost a lifetime with a baby I loved and wanted so much.